Oh the honest post… The one where you get the sticky icky, behind the scenes look under the curtain.
Life is hard right now. I’ve been battling for almost 5 years to build this company. Well, multiple versions of said company. I started without knowing ANYTHING about where I was going or what I was doing. I dove in, face first. Only equipped with some half ass knowledge of business, next to no money and the willingness to learn how to fight by taking punches.
You can watch and study MMA all your life and never be a good fighter. Not until you square up in a ring and get the shit kicked out of you, A LOT.
I’ve been keeping up. Round for round. Excelling for moments and then getting kicked in the face in others. But I’m here. Still standing. Always learning and leaning in.
The good news is that I have learned an awful lot. Im now in the position to fight back with poise, confidence, strategy, timing and understanding. Though I know I’ll only get better. Now it’s all about leveling up. Im not going to get to be a word class fighter if I keep fighting amateur hours. I wont be the best performer if I only crash open mic nights.
So I get to get my ass kicked all over again.
This year has so far been one of the most difficult years of my life. I’ve had to make some tremendously difficult choices. Have insanely difficult conversations. I’ve had to learn (or start to) how to put myself first. The lesson I was taught is “put your oxygen mask on first, you cant save anyone if you’re dead.” I’ve had to battle with my business partner to make tough calls and power moves so we can advance this business the way I think is best. I’ve had to break up with the girl of my dreams because we’re not good for each other right now. I’ve burnt out, turned in, drank to much, ran away from time to time, couldn’t pay my bills 90% of the time, leveraged every possible favor, begged for things, borrowed knowing full well I couldn’t pay it back any time soon. I’ve had nervous breakdowns where I just burst into tears and shake. I’ve felt crystal clear in moments of clarity and felt completely foggy in week long benders/hangovers. My stress level would kill a 40 year old… thank god I have 11 years until I’m there.
And then I get up at 6am or 7am and I get my ass back to work. I smile at my crew when I walk in and I shake people hands with rigor and decisiveness. Because I know where this is all going.
I need a little break though. A little recharge time. I want to disappear and disconnect for a week and tune my instruments. So that I can come back and be one of the best again. I need to find my chi/zen/center.
I’m about to turn up the speed though! We’re about to land a great partnership in the big leagues. One where I can sufficiently get my ass kicked and learn new lessons. Where I can be a a mere decibel of the full array of sound. I am eager to be the student and devour the knowledge and then APPLY IT!
Knowledge is only power if you apply it.
So to those of you who spent the moments of your life to read this, thank you for letting me vent. I’m excited to open up the next chapter. For those of you who read this and have felt the same, or are feeling the same… you’re not alone homie! Reach out if you need some support.
I think it was Maya Angelou who said it, but “If you get, give. If you learn, teach.”